Just got back home from yet another community theater performance. Hair still crusted with white shoe polish. Pretty gross stuff, actually, but it does make my character look older.
Neesha's dashing hither and yon, filling her suitcase for her early morning departure to Hilton Head for Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, I'll be here in Missouri holding down the fort (I actually like "The Fort" as a name for our house -- every house needs a name -- but I think we can do better. We've been working on it. Any ideas?). Dogs are going with her, birds are staying with me. We gave them all a choice and they decided it would be best this way.
While she's away, Neesh plans on going wedding dress shopping and running a 5k race, the Island Rec Center Turkey Trot. I, on the other hand, plan on totally letting myself hit rock bottom -- sleeping until mid-afternoon, showering infrequently, and walking around the house naked except for the shrapnel spray of potato chip crumbs that sticks to me after I finally heft my load off of the sofa.
Being totally serious for a moment, I dread seeing Neesh off tomorrow. I don't know what I'll do without her. It's going to suck hard core. I think I'd rather give away a limb.
Like tonight she said she needed to pack and would have to skip my play for the first time since it opened, and I was like, Hey, cool. No problem at all. I meant it, too. She's sat through the thing so many times I don't know how she's still remotely sane. At the same time, I knew it wouldn't be the same, not having her there. Every time I go out there, I'm putting it out there for her, trying to make her smile or laugh, or whatever. And with that gone, it's just saying lines, really. But tonight, I looked out the door and saw her there before it started; she came to watch AGAIN even though she needed to pack. And I had the magic back again.
Next week, though, I imagine it's going to be that same feeling of just saying lines, only in real life -- like, what's the point?
Keep in mind that we haven't been apart much. At all, really, since we got engaged. There was a weekend in July when she left for her mother's birthday and I had to stay to watch the dogs because we couldn't afford two flights and a kennel trip, and that was horrible. This ... well, we'll keep you posted as we try to keep our spirits up.
So here's my entry for our "What We're Thankful For" list. I'm thankful for my fiancee, Neesha. I'm so glad I get to marry her (in 203 days!). She's so good to me, and I'm lost when she's gone. I'll miss you, baby. Come home soon.
I can't talk about our impending separation because it makes me too sad. I can't remember the last time we've been apart for more than a few hours and, although I adore my family and can't wait to spend time with them this week, I am looking forward to future holidays when Fi and I won't have to be away from each other. Hopefully we can find a way to get both sides of the family together with us for every holiday season (we're still working out the logistics).
So, I can't talk about it. Not now, anyhow. Maybe tomorrow when I have to deal with it...for now, I'm going to give you what I'm thankful for and get as close to my Fi as I can before I have to leave in the morning.
I'm thankful for Dustin being the beginning and end of each of my days. I'm so thankful for his sanity when I think I'm beginning to lose my own and his kind heart. He has been the greatest blessing in my life and I can begin at least three thousand different ways to tell you how important he is to me and how much I love him, but none of them would ever be quite right. I'm thankful that in a week, when I get back, I'll be coming home to him because, really, being home doesn't feel as complete anymore without him. In so many ways, Dustin, you've become my home and so I thank you and love you and will miss you more than I can allow myself to talk about...for fear of overwhelming sadness.
I have to end this blog for Fi since he is now in the shower getting out the white-hair-making shoe polish.
So...have a great Saturday, everyone. I'll, hopefully, be back online Sunday just before the Great Wedding Gown Search begins bright and early Monday morning.