Thursday, December 4, 2008

Letter to my Missing Student

Dear Missing Student,

The class and I have begun to worry. For a time, you were our shining beacon of attendance. You sat in the front row and didn't mind that I knew your boss and could easily keep tabs on you based on this piece of information (but never did). Most of the semester passed and we came to expect you in the front of the room. We came to rely on your unmistakable signature cologne-The Day After Drunk with that touch of the most fashionable drink from the previous night. Where did you go, oh-student-we-called-by-both-first-and-last-name?

More importantly, what did we do? Was it my request that you do more with your introductory paragraph than simply state the thesis? Did I offend thee when I asked for supporting sentences in your paragraphs? Or when I asked you to write more than a page for your first draft? More than that, student in absentia, you came for all the fun activities: the peer reviews, the candy activity, then you were gone. You left us with a hint of what your research paper would be on, then disappeared without word. No card, no email, no proposal or outline on "Why Marijuana Should be Legalized" or your second pick "Changing the Drinking Age to 18." I don't understand what happened. I thought we had mutually decided to end the semester with a grade rather than a "W." 

In conclusion, we are worried about you. Not in the "intervention" sort of way, but in the "are you alive, dear student?" sort of way. No one knows where you are or what happened to you. You have simply disappeared.

Please send word soon or I will be forced to send a spy to your place of work to be certain you are still alive. Seriously. I'm worried.

Your English 1000 Teacher

PS-If you are lost, send word and a search party of peer editors will be sent to your aid.